ruddy knackered

Hello all, whilst I'm writing this on the computer that this website was originally started with, I'm rather tired, pushed for time and am probably likely to make a multitude of spelling mistakes (hopefully these can be edited later though).

I really hope my "blog" doesn't just become a fortnightly "whinge" about being tired, but in all honesty, that how I feel right now :( Last week I was signed off worked for 48 hours with Pharyngitus (sp?) which was rather painful. But our doctors down here are so wonderfully FREE to be able to fit you in at a moment's notice, I was soon prescribed so medication and on the mend.

Mostly at Lee Abbey though, it's more about stopping an epidemic as opposed to being bed-ridden. So there I was, stuck in my cell for 48 hours which seemed all-too-familiar like the time I was confined to quarters for our Royal Visit! This time I was missing valuable "closed" and also missed the most stressful time of year for a House Team Leader at Lee Abbey - this I felt somewhat guilty about (particularly since House Team were the ones who had to bring me my meals).

My friend Emily looked in on me though, Rachel lent me her TV/Video/DVD player (it's an all-in-one jobby) and whilst I managed to tidy my room (and believe me - it NEEDED tidying), I was also able to relax.

It already seems like such a long time ago that I was back home in Coalville and I'm strangely homesick already. I risked my entire family's Christmas presents in one huge parcel - which at the time of writing - has yet to materialise in sunny Coalville, but unlike most ... I have faith in Royal Mail. Dad would be pleased to hear that!

So on Sunday, we cut down our Christmas Tree in the forest, a tradition which is immediately followed by a full dress-rehearsal for our Christmas Revue, then Monday is our annual Exeter trip, Tuesday is our Christmas Party, Wednesday is our "Quiet Day" and Thursday is when we re-open. I was talking to mum and dad earlier and was trying to explain to them how stressed I am about the fact that our Octagonal Lounge (the biggest and most used room at Lee Abbey) is undergoing major re-decoration as we speak and I'm afraid we may only get a few hours on the Thursday in which to put the Christmas decorations up and do the colossal tree! normally we'd have most of December to do it as it's a pretty huge task. So why oh why is it, that the first year I'm holding the reigns, do "they" decide to re-do the Octag!

Anyway, yep, whinge over. Just to say - I miss you all lots and in the still moments over the next month (of which I'm sure there can't be many) I really will be thinking about you all. So have a great Christmas and a wonderful New Year (in case I don't get chance to write before then!)

Back to the mill!

Well, it’s been an interesting past 10 days back in Coalville. Mum and Dad have been at work (as one would expect), as have Mark and Kathryn (my brother and sister-in-law) and friends which I’d hoped to meet up with were either a) at university, b) abroad or c) too far away to get to without a car.

I say without a car, as dad attempted to put me on his insurance like he usually does but his present insurance company said: “computer sez no!” So yes, my long hours alone haven’t been as dedicated to reflection, meditation and prayer as the ambitious Christian in me might have liked!

It’s been good to catch up with some old friends though, some I’ve not seen since before Jack (my 18 month old nephew) was born. Mum and I have also got along remarkably well this time! On the first morning here, I woke with a start (my first feeling being: “I’M LATE”), before realising I was indeed on holiday. I raced downstairs with tears of joy filling my eyes as I rushed to tell mum how much I loved her and how much I’d missed her…only to find that she was at work. I told her later, but somehow it wasn’t the same. I wish I’d have gotten the chance to show here how much I really love her. Despite a few “near-miss” clashes of our equally strong personalities, we’ve really not been too bad this time.

It was of course GREAT to see dad again. I also pulled in a visit to see my paternal granddad who to my shame...I’ve not seen since I first joined Lee Abbey 18 months ago! It was upsetting to see how much Parkinson’s Disease has robbed him of his independence, but not so much that I couldn’t get thrashed at a game or two or dominos!

My maternal grandparents were a joy as always to be around. I even helped grandma with her Christmas puddings and got to make a wish as we stirred it for the last few times lol! Jack also barely recognised me, I thought it had got better towards the end of the week but he can still manage to run off crying at the very sight of me. Something tells me he’ll take any hugs he can when his new baby brother or sister arrives to take away some of the attention his age makes him crave.

Jeremy and Catherine are due to pick me up tomorrow afternoon (or should I say today…looking at the clock) and then it’s back to Lee Abbey. My feelings about returning can best be described as “first-day-back-at-school-nerves” only I’m not a pupil anymore, I’m a department head! So, yes I’m nervous! But then I guess that’s to be expected. I’m now more sure than ever that to London Bible College I must go (naught naughty…I must get used to saying London School of Theology) to do a Theology and Counselling qualification. The only question is…WHEN. The way I see it it’s either next September or September 2009…prayers for wisdom on this matter would be most appreciated.

Well, that’s all for now…lots of love – ME!

Tired lol

Well, I can't believe how quickly the time flies. Since Sunday afternoon, Lee Abbey has been closed. "CLOSED" is normally a time for massive Deep Cleaning of the House to be undertaken by House Team. In my new Role as House Team Leader, it has been something I've been fretting about for quite some time.

On this occasion however, so many of my team were doing training such as First Aid or Food Hygiene etc, that the few of us that were left have had to work like crazy simply to get the Beacon in ship shape ready for tomorrow, and a get a good way into tomorrow's Changeover at the Main House (as there will probably only be 6 of us working as opposed to the usually 12+).

Despite the hard work, "CLOSED" is good for lie-ins. On House Team we start at 9:00am as opposed to 6:55am and morning prayers changes to 8:30am as opposed to 7:50am. The main carpets don't need to be hoovered daily, meal times are SO relaxed and jovial that "CLOSED" is just a very relaxing time - not to mention I can play the Grand Piano at 2:00am if I so wished without the fear of waking anybody. The Main House is eerily quiet at night though, I'm glad I don't live in it for such periods as these - especially with the nights drawing in.

To say I'm looking forward to going back to Leicestershire for a holiday next week would possibly be the understatement of the century! I can't wait to see family again (though it has to be said that the vast majority of my friends will still be at University).

I had one of the most profound moments of my entire life last week, which I hope to try and describe a little of in one of my posts. The Lord met me in a captivatingly intimate way and it's an experience, which has shaped my life powerfully. I have CERTAINLY fallen short since last week, but my ability to pick myself up and know myself loved by God seems to have increased tenfold! I'm especially prone to depression at the moment as am on some VERY powerful drugs (a consultant-level prescription for a skin condition affecting my scalp), these affect my mood (not to mention my skin) but even a weepy moment is soon sent packing when I recall what God did for me last week.

Watch this space...

If anyone is reading this website over the next few weeks...then please PLEASE pray for my time at home. It's always a shock-and-awe tactic by the devil who pounces on me in more ways than one whenever I leave the support systems of Lee Abbey for extended periods of time. Pray that I would actively demonstrate a new way of living by not succumbing the temptations he so readily puts before me.

R & R

Well, I'm in sunny Ilfracombe (not really sunny though) and I've just come to the end of an exhausting Host Team. Its title was "Yerushalayim...the City of Peace" (not sure about my spelling there!). It was led by Adrian Snell and Rob Richards. Rob used to be the senior Chaplain of Lee Abbey and Adrian is an international singer-songwriter.

I worked with Adrian a little for one of our Easter Houseparties when I got to sing the part of Pilate in his musical "The Passion" (which was originally performed by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra) earlier this year. Incidentally I'm adding lots of brackets as I can't assume that everyone is familiar enough with Lee Abbey to know what on earth I'm prattling on about.

Anyway, Adrian Snell is possibly one of the most gifted musicians I know. He has sacrificed many significant career opportunities in the secular world for the sake of following the path God has laid for him. He hasn't said this to me but I have spoken to a few people about it. I have a great deal of respect for this man and his music has both inspired and challenged me not only about music itself, but about the faith which it so eloquently portrays.

Rob is also gifted but in a completely different way. He's a wonderful scholar of original Hebrew and has shed new light on where Jews/Jerusalem actually fit in to the second coming. Fascinating since many misguided Christians fail to accept that they are still God's chosen people, arrogantly assuming that they themselves have superseded such a beautiful title. Yesterday morning was the final session and it was strange and scary that it was the same time the leader of Iran declared that "Israel must be wiped off the face of the planet". Good luck to him, Jerusalem has seen more conflict than any other city in its 3,000 year history and any and all world leaders who have tried to meddle with its affairs have fallen from power. Rob also pointed out that descriptions/prophecies in the Old Testament relating to the second coming bear striking similarities to that of death by chemical warfare. It was all rather scary. And then Adrian's music kicked in, so powerful, triumphant, reassuring, majestic and utterly immersed in the Holy Spirit. A strange calm, reassurance swept over my body and I realised that yes Jesus may well return before I die ... but what do I personally have to fear? I'm saved! This will be a joyful occasion!

So this in a nutshell was a very educational week for me albeit extremely stressful, busy and tiring. I wished I could have seen it from the guests' perspective without the pressure of making it all happen, though.

Kate Woolven (Host team leader this time round) was amazing! She's married to our Estate Manager and is also on the conference and pastoral teams. She's spent weeks in contact with Rob and Adrian trying to make their vision for the week into a reality. This included Lee Abbey's resident artist, Kate Gunstone, being commissioned to copy the Shema (the prayer that Jewish people wear on their forehead, on their wrist and sometimes by their doorframe). Also, Kate made a HUGE cross out of two vast pieces of brown paper and hung it down one of the large doorways of the Octagonal Lounge. Then she painted one of the vertical beams and one of the lateral beams (in other words, the bits that formed part of a door frame) with real lambs blood (applying it with Rosemary - the nearest we could get to hyssop). Whilst I'm sure it violated Health and Safety regs, it made quite a powerful statement - the Old Testament reference to the blood painted above the doors during The Passover, as well as the blood on the cross paid by Jesus, the ultimate Passover lamb. Added to all this, muslin was draped in four sections from the central chandelier to four of the outer pillars of the Octagonal Lounge to give the illusion of a Bedouin tent. Thus the preparations for a really atmospheric meeting place were complete. Indeed, on several evenings, the fire was lit, the lights dimmed, and a HUGE sunset projected onto one of the walls - we really DID feel like we were out in the wilderness!

Some of the services were the best I've ever seen at Lee Abbey - perhaps in my life - yet gluing it all together and finding/erecting these "prop", photocopying, serving drinks, giving notices, leading various things was also very stressful. So this really has been a two-pronged week. Informative and inspirational juxtaposed to utterly exhausting and draining. The spiritual opposition to this POWERFUL week was certainly potent, not to mention some of the worst gales/whether I've seen here.

Today I also had to go straight back to House Team (whereas normally folks would normally get the rest of the day off after waving goodbye to the guests) as we had a double Changeover at the main House and The Beacon, I had to be around to co-ordinate it and be an extra pair of hands! I've tried to put things on hold, prepare work and make any and all preparations necessary so that I can come away for this weekend and just CHILL before going back to LA on Sunday night.

I'm really REALLY looking forward to seeing my family in about two week’s time.

Sorry it's been a long one!

God Bless you all!

A Brief History of my life before L.A.

Well I guess at some point I should explain about Lee Abbey and what it is (For those that are interested, you can find out more at www.leeabbey.org.uk which is of course...our official website), but first I think I need to explain a little about my life before L.A.

I was bullied a heck of a lot at school regarding my sexual orientation (to the point of wanting to commit suicide), which in turn meant I did not want to be at school, much less revise for my GCSEs. Despite doing absolutely zero revision I still managed to get some Bs and Cs!!! I'd also been a pretty OKAY student (if one misses out MATHS urgh!!!) and in courses such as Tech Graphics, I always got A* in my coursework.

It's taken me many years to get over my "bitterness" about having my Academic future altered/changed or even taken away from me by mindless bullies, but it's clear that God had other plans for my life.

I left school and enrolled on a wretched "painting and decorating" course. The people I would be working with turned out to be SO racist, I feared what might happen to me if they found out about me. I quit after one day!

I somehow ended up enrolling for NVQ2 Hairdressing which to my amazement, I really enjoyed. I had two great years. The girls were awesome. It was like having a class full of sisters, mothers and best friends, all of whom looked after me.

After getting an AMAZING job (shortly before I was to complete my NVQ3) at Glitz Hair Design and spending 18 (or so) amazing months with great team there. it was becoming increasingly obvious that making people look amazing physically, was not what I was called to do. So I resigned - much to the sadness of virtually everyone in my life (but my sister-in-law Kathryn was very supportive throughout this decision).

I then took on a part-time job on a voluntary basis with Heartland Youth For Christ in Administration (not to mention becoming the charity's secretary). I had a great year with the Team and it was quite an exciting time - to witness this fledgling charity take shape. It was a necessary year of my life, albeit financially draining on my parents. God was beginning to work things out in me, and I was beginning to get more involved with True Freedom Trust (TfT) and other Christian events/charities.

It wasn't until I visited Martin Hallett (the Director of TfT) that the idea of working at "Lee Abbey" came to mind. I went to see Martin in February 2004 and as it turns out, he had just been guest speaker at Lee Abbey working alongside Elaine Storkey. It was certainly an unexpected suggestion from Martin, as up until that point, I had never even heard of the place. However I had (and still do have) a great deal of respect for him and so, with help of some close friends, paid a visit to the grounds of Lee Abbey before filling in my application form to become a summer worker. Little did I know that 16 months later, I'd still be here!

Hello all. With the help of my good friend Tim Wakeling (all rights reserved), I have established this "online space" which I hope to use to keep my friends and family in touch with my life.

I have found that after being here at Lee Abbey for 16 months, communication with outside world grows thin. It makes little sense to write and print 30+ newsletters (not to mention the cost of postage) when there is such a thing as the Internet.

I have succumbed therefore to the effect of this revolutionary technological era - yippee.

For those of you who have no idea why on earth this "blog" (short for "Web log" I'm reliably informed) is named "News From Nemesis", Nemesis is the name given to the Starship which features heavily in my novels.

I hope to keep you all updated as often as I can, but not so often that you hate me! :o)

With warmest Christian greetings at this rather chilly time of year.

Me