Time away, and the death of a great person

Though written on the same day, I thought I needed to include an account of my time away on the “Leadership Time Away” whilst it was still fresh in my memory.

The people who were invited were T.L.s (Team Leaders) The Pastoral team, and the Leadership Team which consists of the Warden, the Centre Manager, the head of Personnel and the Finance Director. Some 22 of us in total.

We stayed at the Sidholme hotel in Sidmouth. The name Sidmouth conjures up images of somewhat backward little Devonshire village, but it has to be said, that whilst it is a retirement hot-spot, it is a beautifully kept town with some wonderful shops on a charming seafront.

The Christian hotel whilst dated in its décor was beautifully kept and looked after. Having quite an impressive entrance hall, replete with heated indoor swimming pool within the grounds (which I took advantage of during our first night there) amongst other things.

Unfortunately during our first night there, I encountered the Deputy Manager. She was consistently "hitting on me" all the time and I was most distressed about her comments such as: “Is it a girl that’s keeping you at Lee Abbey?” “How old are you?” “After 9:00pm I’m a free agent…I’m being SOCIABLE!!!” she was utterly unprofessional and if I had been the most senior person in our group then I would certainly be writing strongly worded letters to her superior. It really was a constant cloud of fear (I don’t think that’s too strong-a-word) over my whole time there! It was also quite distressing that a number of us felt “hounded out of our rooms” some 90 minutes before our check out deadline of 10:00am. To unnecessarily disturb guests before that time sometimes without even knocking was severely unprofessional, and as a paid staff, they really should have known better.

ANYWAY…

The food was delicious and the catering staff were wonderful and whilst I never thought I’d hear myself say this, I really struggled to “be served” after being on the other side of the coin for so long…I even stripped my bed etc before leaving my room. Indeed in fairness the vast majority of the staff were by and large wonderfully charming people and whilst there were clear differences between a “staff-run” hotel and a “community led” conference centre, as brothers and sisters in Christ in a highly competitive market, we found some common ground!

The important stuff:

I think if I was to sum up what this time away has shown me…is the enormous responsibility of anyone in any type of leadership, but particularly, how our choices, our lifestyle choices and our example really has the potential to make or break Lee Abbey’s vision.

The structure was more of a Bible-based teaching/inspiration session in the earlier part of the morning and a discussion-based forum in the later part of the morning. With particular attention paid to what things could we improve on? I really can’t go into the details as some of the things discussed were quite critical to the future of Lee Abbey. Let’s just say, we’re in our 60th year, and with time, things don’t get any easier, in fact, to stay afloat in this “market” for want of a better word…in order to "sell" Lee Abbey as somewhere to come that’s better than going abroad yet more expensive…some tough decisions have to made and fast.

The fact that for our building project we’ve raised over half a million pounds yet that’s only just about 1/5 of what we need to raise in total gives you an idea of the vastness of what we’re dealing with here. So I was struck by both the privilege of being a part of such an organisation, yet at the same time the enormity and hugeness of responsibility that comes with it.

I have an absolute GREAT deal of respect for those sitting in that circle, but a special heart for, concern for, admiration for, the Warden and Centre Manager who really do bear the brunt of all things good and bad at Lee Abbey.

We’ve brainstormed (thought-shower...PAH) many, many avenues and there is much to take away and digest, but at the same time, we’ve bonded, gotten to know each other (not just as names at the end of memo or as people that we occasionally disagree with at various meetings…but as PEOPLE) and hopefully grown in unity.

As Chris (our Warden) said, just looking around the room and seeing the variety of people called to be a part of this community is staggering. Young and old from many, MANY different backgrounds! We have an Anglican Warden, a Baptist Centre Manager, we have Catholics, free churches etc etc, just represented in that room. It never occurred to me until now as I type this, but that means that 1/5 of the entire community were at the Hotel. Meaning that 1/5 of community are leaders in some way. But all are interdependent on the others. However, we lead countless church groups on how to be better churches and how to be effective leaders so we have to model it ourselves.

Ants (our Catering Manager) and myself have the largest teams and it was quite humorous to watch each other try and write one sentence encouragements to each of our team members, trying to remember who in fact were on our teams, who had just arrived and who had recently left. Some SERIOUS laughing was done too, not least during our bowling alley experience last night in Exeter! But I was again struck as I sat in “the music room” of this hotel, looking round at each of these people as we shared “The Grace”, how a hairdresser from Coalville (a town that only 5 guests have heard of in 19 months of being at Lee Abbey) was sitting in that room, with those people, part of a ministry that has a nationwide reputation. It was definitely a “WOW THANK YOU GOD” moment juxtaposed to a “Whoa, I DEFINITELY need your help now more than ever God” moment!

For now at least, whilst there a challenges on the horizon, I am utterly content with my life. Yes lonely, yes not sure whether I’ll be married one day or settling down with 3 gay flatmates….but generally content.

On a different note:

I felt a sharp pain in my chest today when I heard 5 short words which I somehow never thought I’d have to hear: “Oh, Selwyn Hughes has died”. I couldn’t believe it. I had a great deal of respect for this man and was deeply moved by his Autobiography which I FINALLY finished a few weeks ago. His Bible Study notes have been a source of encouragement, challenging, inspiration, rebuking, correcting and life-giving for me for as long as I’ve been a Christian and indeed, would say that they strengthened my first footsteps in the new way of life that is the Christian walk.

But I know that he was content, he died peacefully fully satisfied that his life’s work was complete. In his autobiography he states: “I used to say that I was eager to stay but willing to go, but now I can say I’m eager to go but willing to stay". What an amazing guy!

A "LITTLE" something from me

Well, it’s certainly been longer than I had hoped since last I wrote to you. It would give you all a very “patchy” picture of my life at Lee Abbey if I just share my most recent news and not fill you in on Crimbo (deliberate annoying word added for effect) and New Year.

Well, to say I found the last few days leading up to the House re-opening for Christmas a little stressful would be the understatement of my life. I know “stress” may be a word I use a lot and hope that doesn’t detract from the times I genuinely use it.

In Decmber 2004 my responsibilities were cleaning, and helping to decorate the Octagonal Lounge and Front Hall/Red Staircase. It should be noted that last year, we got some 2 weeks to do this. In December 2005 however, it was my job to personally oversee the whole operation but unfortunately our Maintenance Team (salaried 9:00am – 5:00pm workers who live locally but who aren’t actually on community) were completely redecorating the Octagonal Lounge. They did a GREAT job, but unfortunately it means we were left with a day and a half. The day being the same day guests arrived.

It seemed to take an age to get the Christmas tree erected (some 7 metres of it!!!!!!) and no one seemed to have any sense of urgency apart from me. Since the task was involving the Maintenance Team (whose scaffolding we needed to decorate the tree) and the Estate Team (who were trying to put the tree up, both of whom were fairly new to the work and a bit unsure as to the best way to do it) it wasn’t like I had the authority to crack the whip.

But, as the floor was polished (after the dust was thoroughly vacuumed away from some post-asbestos-removing plaster-boarding) the huge cast-iron grills were lifted and decades worth of dust was sucked out, as sofas were brought back in, plants arranged, cushions straightened and we worked our way backwards towards reception…the House was ready. This left me with about half an hour to plan the next days work, get a shower then race back down to the Octagonal Lounge for some informal carol singing next to our roaring open fire! This was fun albeit a little flustering on my part.

On Christmas Eve Eve, I was working in the Maintenance workshop on my day off, polishing and waxing some new doors for the property my line Manager (Lee Abbey’s centre Manager) had brought in Lynmouth. Whilst some thought I was a bit Looney doing such things on my day off, it gave me a chance to really RELAX and just chill out doing something different. Unfortunately, I forgot about lunch, and when I had to rush away at 4:00pm to get changed and ready for our Christmas Revue rehearsal at 5:00pm, the rehearsal ran over until about 7:15. Just time to go and wolf some dinner down before "curtain call" (so to speak, we have no stage in the Octag!) at 7:45pm. Each time I came off from either delivering some lines or singing in the 4-part choir … I came off wanting to cry. I felt utterly exhausted and stressed and distant from God (Lee Abbey being the worst place on the planet to be if you’re not feeling close to God!!!!!). I soon swooped past the “well done"s and the “very nice” comments and headed straight for bed.

Christmas Eve then, was yet another “Day Off” for me, yet having agreed to be part of our Nativity “walk” which started in the Octagonal Lounge, came to the COMMUNITY ONLY (normally at least) walled garden where the angel told the crowd where to go and look, then past one of the fields where a shepherd told us in no uncertain terms what she felt about her entire team of angels disappearing to go and look for some baby, then looping around to our barn where we had a pretty good nativity amongst some pretty foul-smelling cattle! My part was to be in the choir, but I think I realised for the first time how TOTTALLY unfit I am when I had to sing AND walk up hill. It nearly killed me!!!

Christmas Eve’s midnight’s service made it all worthwhile though. And despite the prospect of starting work at 7:00am on Christmas Day, I was very relaxed and thoroughly enjoyed the service which really spoke to me on a number of levels. The previous few days had also seen some GREAT milestones amongst my own team when all 13 of us managed to sit around for an hour and lay on the table any and all gripes/issues we had with each other. Maybe that spiritual high explained the lull before Christmas?

Christmas Day itself was wonderful. Work seemed to fly by and I arranged it so I covered my friend in the morning and she covered me in the afternoon so once my work in the morning was out the way, I managed to get the rest of the day to myself. The latter half of the day was very normal as I spent it at my Pastoral Link’s flat, watching TV (Including the Queen’s speech – which I hear was recorded for the guests but had no sound the first time round!!!) and sleeping on the sofa! Our morning service had also been very fun and lively. Stuart Townend’s classic “From the Squalor of a borrowed stable” is still a personal favourite. Also something I’ve ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to see happen…a birthday cake presented during the service literally as a birthday cake for Jesus. You may think that sounds silly, but it really did set the tone for a “whose day is it anyway?” frame of mind.

I hadn’t really noticed that I hadn’t eaten much over Christmas and always seemed to feel full quite quickly. A few days later I woke up in desperate need of the loo in the early hours, only to find I was violently sick (including through my nose) as well. The signs and symptoms were identical to the time of our Royal visit and I new I had gastro enteritis. I snuck into the House and left a message for my team (regrettably a CHANGEOVER DAY and my Deputy had just come off Host Team so wouldn’t be around) to say I wouldn’t be able to come in. I rang our Doctor’s at 8:30am and got an appointment for 9:00am (not specifying my problem, just one of the perks of living in rural Devon).

This had also been the day that Jeremy and Catherine (and all 5 kids) were travelling to Lee Abbey as Jeremy was to be our guest speaker for the New Year’s houseparty. In the brochure since before I knew I would still be at Lee Abbey.

It wasn’t long before Catherine came up with the bright idea that since I’d been signed off for 5 days, I may as well go to their empty vicarage for the remainder of my time. She cleared it with the relevant folk at Lee Abbey who all thought it was better than keeping me under quarantine in my box (what I affectionately call my room) for 5 days. I jumped at the chance and as I set off in Gladys, I realised that snow was falling at an alarming rate. And as is annoying yet typical for North Devon, the snow never settles anywhere … except the roads!

A quick “emergency prayer” ensured it wasn’t long before a dark, quiet and somewhat eerie vicarage was brought to life by my safe, snow-free arrival. For the first time in 19 months I was about to buy my own food, cook my own food, watch my own TV and just have some ME time. Absolute ME TIME, which having lived with a family 100+ for so long was utterly vital to my well-being and I found a new sense of peace. This was also necessary after the unique Christmas rush but could apparently be due to the fact that my throat/viral infection (for which I was signed off work for 2 days at the beginning of December Closed) could actually have worked its way through my body to cause mayhem elsewhere.

Yet again, I lost a LOT of weight, and I have used this as the spear-head to a new way of eating. Not least because I don’t ever want to experience that again!

All in all, it has been a wonderful time where if I look back, I can clearly see God’s hand at work for my good…and I’ve certainly grown as a result! I guess this mammoth blog counts as a Christmas Newsletter 